I am the type of person that grows and heals better when I know the “WHY” to something. While each of us have different circumstances and situations, we are all human and share a lot universally.
Asking for help was a HUGE barrier I had to overcome. I learned that living on an island was doing more harm to my mental health than I believed. I thought I was safe, but I was more alone and more anxious than if I invited people and their assistance into my life.
I also learned that by creating an island, I was relying on the wrong people. People who matched my vibration and shared the same thought patterns. People who were not capable of helping me because they were on their own island.
Here are some reasons as to why we don’t ask for help. Perhaps knowing the “WHY” will help you as well.
You are protecting your pride: It can be difficult and hurt our pride. For me, I thought I was weak, I questioned my own abilities. You may have grown up with parents who power through everything and you picked up the belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness. On the contrary, asking for help is a sign of strength. It is busting down the walls built by the ego and inviting people into your space.
- Your way is the only way: I know this ALL too well. This belief is the afterbirth of dysfunction. When we come to a place where we feel we need to control everything and everything has to be perfect we must take an honest inventory of where this need is coming from. Control Freaks aren’t born overnight. We are the results of living in households where we had to have everything perfect and do a lot in order to keep the peace. YOU ARE SAFE NOW. When you pass the torch to another person, you gain so much! You learn new ways of doing something, you gain insight and wisdom. You expand your circle.
- It feels comfortable to stay uncomfortable: When all you know is trauma and pain, it can be frightening to trust other people. Even scarier to rely on someone else. If you find yourself in a position where you need to ask for help, take a breath and allow this moment to be an experience to grow and evolve. We grow when we can step away from the known and embrace the unknown.
- You are building your tribe and empowering others: Helping loved ones makes a lot of people happy. They find joy in assisting others, as I am sure you do. Most people love sharing their ideas and success stories. It makes them feel good. You might be surprised that you too feel empowered by receiving guidance and new insights. By asking for help, you are acknowledging another’s skill and talent, boosting their self-esteem. We receive this energy as well.
- Worried about what other people think: This goes in hand with trying to control things. When we try to do too muich for fear of others thinking we are weak or can’t handle it, we are trying to control the way people see us. You will fare far better if you can embrace the manta, “Other people’s opinions are none of my business.” The only thoughts you can control are your own. Repeat some healthy affirmations daily such as: “I am strong when I ask for help.” “When I am overwhelmed, I choose to slow down and ask for help.” Write them on a note and post them on your mirrors and fridge or create a reminder in your phone.
Asking for help can be difficult. Take it one moment at a time. Start small by asking someone you trust to step in. Here are some helpful way to ask for help from Lisa Nichols.